bootylish

Today was the first day so far in this ‘lifestyle change’ that I have felt….munchy.  I have been so determined and excited, but today at work I felt preoccupied with food.  It doesn’t help that we have a community snack shelf with an open bag of peanut m&ms screaming at me to eat them.  I had one serving for breakfast. (note to self….eat breakfast before work!)  But, hey, I stopped at one serving! (1/4 cup)  I never eat one serving of m&ms!  Then there are the pretzels, granola bars, etc.  Not as naughty or as tempting, but I am trying to steer away from all day grazing, no matter what it is, and there is food EVERYWHERE!  I did pretty well despite the temptations, but my confidence is shaken.  I need to find a way to hide the snacks!

Went to the 5 pm WW meeting this time.  Didn’t really know anyone, except the leader (my friend’s sister).  She was great!  Very down to earth, not cheesy at all.  Well, I lost 2.4 pounds.  I’m pretty happy with that.  I have been following the plan to the letter, with the exception of Saturday.  (I didn’t really stick to the whole idea of not drinking a week’s worth of calories. ) However, despite the nasty hangover and all-around crappy feeling I have had the last 2 days,  I did not try to cure it by bingeing on salty, fatty, crappy foods like I usually do.  I am proud of myself for not letting my mistake derail me, like I usually do.  So the net result is, I didn’t lose a huge amount for the first gung-ho week of a diet, but then again, it is not a diet.  I am changing the way I eat for life!  Here we go, week #2!  This weeks goal:  no alcohol!! and start exercising!

Ok, here comes the weekend.  I’m glad, but a little nervous.  I have a wedding to go to (stress + catered dinner = pig out time!) so I have a challenge to face.  Plus there’s the “what am I going to wear, I look like a fat pig” issue to deal with.  Oh, well, I’m just going to have a good time and focus on the fun and not the other stuff.  And try not to drink a week’s worth of calories at the dance. 

I can hear my boys ripping apart the basement.  They are driving me crazy tonight!  And I’ve only been home 3 hours!  Constant bickering and mouthing off.  AARRGGH!  I think I’ll take a hot bath and then try to tackle my disgusting house.  Here’s to 3 days off (I’m off Monday), a good night’s sleep, and stuffed cabbage!  I made it for supper (Weight Watchers recipe) and it was AWESOME!  Maybe I’ll post the recipe.

Just got home from work.  I had a crazy day, overslept, worked 10 hours (did ok eating-wise), and I have that just-been-pulled-through-the-wringer feeling.  My kids left a half eaten Red Baron pepperoni on the stove and it is calling my name.  I think I’ll just have some popcorn and go to bed.  I can do it!!!

I think I’m going to keep track of the number of times I am tempted with fattening food at work. (probably doesn’t help that I work at a grocery store.)  OK.  Stress is a trigger, and I have plenty of that at work.  Then there’s the giant variety pack of bakery donuts that were staring me in the face when I got there this morning.  After lunch, at stress:30, you know, around the time when your energy’s flagging, and you just want to go home or at least eat something to get you through?  Somebody brings in a big tupperware full of pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting–my favorite!  (Ok, you will notice that I have a lot of favorites — hence the weight problem).  But I just shut the lid so I couldn’t smell that delicious smell! and ate my banana.  VICTORY IS MINE!!!  And when I got home at 6:45, I made a healthy meal, and sat down and ate it, at the kitchen table,  without reading or watching TV at the same time!  Yay for me!!!

 OK. Need to work on the exercise thing.  One thing at a time.

Today I actually got a little something accomplished.  A little laundry, some stinky rotten dishes, swept the crap off the kitchen floor.  Not as much as I would have liked to, but when do I ever do as much as I would like? 

I brought my dad to his radiation treatment about 1.5 hours away.  It really put things into perspective, seeing all those sick people in the waiting room.  Who cares if I have a mountain of dirty laundry at home — I have my health!  And I’m going to keep it that way if I can help it. 

On the way home my dad tried to “pay” me by offering to buy me a treat at McDonalds…or he had coupons for donuts!!!! at Super America!  As I said,  this is a food culture that I am CONSTANTLY fighting!!!  I thought, well, a cone at McDonalds wouldn’t be too bad,  but then I thought No! I’m not even hungry!  I’m going to quit “eating just because”.  So when I got home I was ravenous and enjoyed a yummy honey crisp apple. 

I think my mom felt that she had to pay me too, because she made us supper (do I see a pattern here?), albeit a healthy one.  I had a chicken breast, baked potato, salad, squash, and arrgh! carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.  I had one, I counted it, it’s all good. 

Then I went to my son’s football playoff game.  I plan on getting to bed, getting enough sleep, so I can be rested and prepared for my 1st day at work on Weight Watchers.  Here goes!!! Wish me luck!

Ok.  Here goes.  I am going to start the umpteenth diet of my life.  But really, honestly, I think I’ve got it this time.  I feel ready.  I think all the learning experiences, health education, portion control, on-and-off exercise, self-abuse, and feelings of helplessness have finally come together to make me absolutely ready to change my life.  It’s like, I’ve always known what I’m supposed to do, and I’ve always wanted to lose weight, but now I know what’s been stopping me and I’m going to fight it this time! 

 What’s been stopping me is having grown up in front of a TV.  Being surrounded by fast food and bombarded with food ads.  Being depressed and not knowing or admitting it.  I have to fight 35 years of bad habits and slowly change them to good ones!  I am 6 years from the age that my mom was diagnosed with diabetes.  I have learned that for years before we are diagnosed with diabetes, our pancreas is compensating by producing extra insulin, and damage is already occurring to our bodies before we are even diagnosed.  The cool thing is, I can stop this! 

I just have to realize that I am surrounded by a culture of food, and will be bombarded with temptation every day.  But I am going to face every day knowing that, and being prepared for it. 

 I am overweight and passing my lifestyle on to my kids.  I’m going to stop the legacy right now and start taking care of myself and my family.  Maybe after that I can even teach others how change too!